Hello, dear reader. My Pisces peeps your time has come! March is on the way with the winds to prove it. Spring is so close, and yet we’ve got a few more weeks of fluctuating temperatures before we’re settled into warm weather and impending April showers. Whether you’re barely recovering from Mardi Gras, preparing your liver for St. Patrick’s Day, or gearing up for a spring break staycation (cause that budget isn’t letting you go anywhere else) your resident agent of chaos has got your horoscopes to spring fling you through the month.

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PISCES (February 19—March 20): You’re ready to throw an outdoor brunch to celebrate your big day with the weather warming prematurely this year, only to have the vibes taken way down as your drunken brunch chat is consumed by climate change talk.

ARIES (March 21—April 19): You’re excited to decrease your carbon footprint by participating in new curbside composting, but to your dismay you forgot the smell that comes with decaying food in the heat.

TAURUS (April 20—May 20): The Super Bowl has left a big football-shaped hole in your heart, but never fear the XFL is here (again)! Let’s just hope you don’t feel bold enough to start playing some amateur ball and bust your butt in the process.

GEMINI (May 21—June 21): You’re hoping to get some new decor on a budget and seek help from your local Buy Nothing group, only to be blocked for breaking one of the many, many community guidelines. Whew, the drama! Back to Craigslist, I guess?

CANCER (June 22—July 22): The warm weather and the exciting return of wildlife to the Anacostia River has inspired you to take a dip, only to realize when you’re done, your pants are gone!

LEO (July 23—August 22): You’re ready to dance the night away this spring and roll up to the National Gallery for some tunes, drinks, and snacks…only to realize you forgot to pre-register! You can hate from outside the club, especially when you can’t get in.

VIRGO (August 23—September 22): Black History Month is not over yet, and neither is your commitment to read one local Black author a day, except now you’ve still got 27 left. Four days is plenty of time to finish!

LIBRA (September 23—October 23): Okay so the Beyonce presale didn’t go as you expected…or the SZA one…or the Paramore one…okay, you’re just really unlucky in the music department. Maybe you could catch Estelle at the Kennedy Center, and with your track record, you better move quick.

SCORPIO (October 24—November 21): You want to take advantage of the spurts of good weather by taking a nice stroll around the city with a nice, ice-cold drink of choice. Only to realize every bathroom you run to is being cleaned, too bad the extra ones aren’t coming for a while.

SAGITTARIUS (November 22—December 21): You thought going to a reality show trivia night would be a great way to impress your friends, but your Real Housewives of Potomac knowledge is useless for a Hirshhorn Museum reality show category (maybe you can phone a friend)?

CAPRICORN (December 22—January 19): The sun’s got you in the mood to Metro around and explore the city, and thank god the Metro Hero can help you anticipate the delays. So grateful to have it for the summer too…or maybe not?

AQUARIUS (January 20—February 18): The season of love may not have manifested your lovebird dreams, but at least you can wander in the National Zoo’s newly renovated bird house…alone.