Welcome back to Overheard in D.C., DCist’s weekly column of funny, strange, and poignant things that our readers and staff overhear and send in. We’ve been doing it since 2006. Check out the archives here.

We can’t have Overheard in D.C. without your submissions! Email your Overheards to overheard(at)dcist[dot]com and don’t forget to include who was talking, to whom, and in what context.

We are now also taking submissions for eavesdropping on video conferencing calls and all of the other newfangled ways we’re staying in touch. 

Overheard of the Week: 

Family of four walking together in Petworth:

Child: “Can I do noody booty?”
Mom: “We can’t do noody booty outside. Noody booty is only at home.”

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The worst type of dealer to meet at a bar

A coworker overheard at a local university:

“Happy hour was perfectly fine, but I had a dinner afterwards that ended with me and my friend at the Ritz bar talking with two men who we’re pretty sure are arms dealers.”

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POV you’re Fabio the duck

Three college-aged women in backseat of an Uber:

“I’ll fuck anything and everything.”

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Two bros chilling in a bus five feet apar-

A stylish guy boards a 79 bus: 

Older gentleman: “Boy, you are a good looking young man!”
Guy: “Thanks!”
OG: (scoffs) “But I ain’t gay or nothin’…”

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Glass half-full attitude

An employee to her coworker in the produce department at the Florida Ave. Whole Foods: 

“Well, at least I’m a contender for purgatory.”

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New slogan for a big truck commercial? 

In Columbia Heights, a man in his 50s talking on his phone:

“As so, it’ll all be done through the magical power of horses.”

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They’re The Same Picture Dot JPG

Leaving Capital One arena after Law Enforcement Appreciation Night at a Capitals game: 

Man #1: “It was good to see [their friend’s name], but what was up with him calling everyone ‘bro’?”
Man #2: “I know, right?! We’re law enforcement officers, not college guys living in a frat house.”

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Saddest short story

A tiny human in a bathroom stall to his mom at DCA: 

“I’m trying to get some poop out but I can’t.”

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Spoken with GUSTo! is this anything

Group of people walking on R Street near Dupont Circle on very windy day.

Young woman yells out: “Turn off the wind!!!”

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What does that even mean

A 30-something year old guy in an oversized Georgetown basketball jersey and D.C. baseball cap in line at Trader Joe’s on 14th:

“I don’t know for sure, but I’m assuming that you’re wrong. A lot of your team are ex-McKinsey consultants.”

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That’s how you know you had a good time

One young woman to her friends on Vermont Ave NW, near T Street:

“I swear, I pee my pants at least once every night I go out.”

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Who is she, the breakfast police?

A man and a woman in their 50’s waiting to cross the street at G and 5th Streets NW. Talking to each other about what they gave up for Lent:

Woman: “You gave up sweets for Lent. A chocolate chip muffin is a sweet.”
The man, adamantly: “No, it’s a breakfast item!”

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So NOT the Archives

Family of tourists gets on the metro at the Smithsonian Metro stop:

The little girl says: “Ok now let’s do something fun fun. Not boring fun.”

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As always, we rely on you to overhear the good stuff and send it our way. Make sure to tell us who was speaking to whom and in what context.