Welcome back to Overheard in D.C., DCist’s weekly column of funny, strange, and poignant things that our readers and staff overhear and send in. We’ve been doing it since 2006. Check out the archives here.

We can’t have Overheard in D.C. without your submissions! Email your Overheards to overheard(at)dcist[dot]com and don’t forget to include who was talking, to whom, and in what context.

We are now also taking submissions for eavesdropping on video conferencing calls and all of the other newfangled ways we’re staying in touch. 

Overheard of the Week: 

Man to woman as they enter Yerevan, the Armenian cafe in Adams Morgan:

“All middle-aged men want to do on St. Patrick’s Day is watch four hours of YouTube.”

—

This bit is soooooo tired! Yawn! 

As passengers board a plane from Phoenix to DCA:

Announcement: “Passengers, you are on American flight [number] to Reagan National. If you do not want to go to D.C., we completely understand. Come forward and deplane now.”

—

Sage advice

A mom sits down at at table in Evening Star Cafe in Del Rey, Alexandria, and looks at her son who is eyeing the table candle: 

“Don’t set anything on fire!”

—

If you ask these one zillion articles on DCist dot com, yes 

A mid-30s man and woman walking through the National Zoo with a young child on a Saturday. The man asks the woman:

“Is there like a feature attraction at this place?”

—

They will be here all week! 

A group of 30-40-something women at Mount Desert Island Ice Cream in Mount Pleasant:

Woman 1: (looking at The Dude flavor) “I’d like a single Dude!”
Group: *laughs*
Woman 2: “Do you want it kiddie size?”
Woman 1: “I do NOT want him kiddie size!”

—

Dads Just Saying Stuff part ?

Tourist family gets off at Capitol South and Dad points to Cannon office building:

“There’s a Madison and a Jefferson building. That’s the Jefferson building.”
—

There are other stores …

In Ballston, the day before St. Patrick’s Day, a 20-something bro in a green shirt on phone as he approaches a Virginia ABC store:

“Hey, I forgot I can’t get Guinness here, can you go on Drizly and see if they have any?”

—

Sounds promising 

At the bar in a Blagden Alley restaurant, two 30ish female friends are talking.

Woman 1: “The only information I got was a gif of a train going off a bridge.”

—

And you know what, maybe it was 

On a beautiful day in Stanton Park, a 20-something man in a tan suit is talking on a cellphone while walking down the path: 

“She was like, ‘we should all go get Library of Congress cards, it’ll be so fun!'”

—

If only D.C. drivers could have the same courtesy  

Wednesday afternoon at a crowded children’s playground in Del Ray, a father leaving with his 5-6 year old daughter riding her scooter aggressively:

Father: “Hey, be careful, watch out for your friends!”
Daughter: “I’ll be careful but these are NOT my friends.”

—

The Nickleback of fonts 

A woman pushing a stroller walking down 9th Street NW near the Convention Center, talking to a friend:

“Comic sans? Nobody takes comic sans seriously.”

—

POV: you ask your bad friend for a ride to the airport

Thirty-ish woman talking on her phone, crossing Connecticut Ave. at Dupont Circle on a weekday afternoon:

“I understand helping people, but there is a limit.”

—

As always, we rely on you to overhear the good stuff and send it our way. Make sure to tell us who was speaking to whom and in what context.