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Welcome back to Overheard in D.C., DCist’s weekly column of funny, strange, and poignant things that our readers and staff overhear and send in. We’ve been doing it since 2006. Check out the archives here.

We can’t have Overheard in D.C. without your submissions! Email your Overheards to overheard(at)dcist[dot]com and don’t forget to include who was talking, to whom, and in what context.

We are now also taking submissions for eavesdropping on video conferencing calls and all of the other newfangled ways we’re staying in touch. 

Overheard of the Week: 

An employee at the cafe at Politics and Prose in the back room obviously talking to a child on the phone:

“No, you may not leave school. The nurse says you are not sick enough and the nurse is a medical professional.”

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She has a future in branding! 

At Del Ray Pizza in Alexandria, family of five sitting outside on the patio. 
Oldest child, a 7- or 8-year-old girl, looking at the menu: “Why do fried pickles have a special name and fried onions don’t … if it’s frickles shouldn’t it be fronions?”
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Taking the X2 to the Hamptons 

Sunday evening around 10 p.m., across the street from Grubb’s Pharmacy, three well-heeled, clearly inebriated 50-somethings are loudly saying their goodbyes after a fancy event/Sunday dinner.

Man 1: “Where does your bus leave?”
Man 2: “The Hamptons.  No, wait…The Hamilton!”

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How many times has he practiced this one? 

At Takoma Busboys and Poets, a 30-something guy regaling friends with tales of past paramours.

Him: “Like the university he worked for, he was well-endowed.”

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Simply a crazy way to approach someone 

At the Kennedy Center, a wealthy woman in a fancy shawl approaches a 20-something girl in the ticket line, looking to give away her son’s theater ticket (he didn’t show).

“Are you a starving artist?” She asks the girl in line.
The girl responds, “No, I’m an economist.”
“Oh! She explains – just the same. Would you like a free ticket?”

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There’s no way this is real! 

Leaving the fireworks on the Mall on the 4th of July, four bros walking abreast at Pennsylvania and 17th Streets: 
Bro 1: “I didn’t know Washington was the capital of the U.S.”
Bro 2: “No, Dude, it’s the World capital.”
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Your God is an awesome God! 

Three older ladies and two older men, dressed for church on the corner of 9th and North Carolina Street Northeast: 

Lady 1: “There’s no way I’m coming up for service after drinking all that.”
Lady 2: “Jehová will hold your bladder.”

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I hope they did!! 

Near the Capitol, a man hops off an e-scooter, lights a joint, and answers his phone: 

“Bro, we HAVE TO go see the Little Mermaid, we just HAVE to!”

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As always, we rely on you to overhear the good stuff and send it our way. Make sure to tell us who was speaking to whom and in what context.

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