If you don’t like sweets and sparkling wine, you’re a Communist. Well, you could be a diabetic-slash-recovering alcoholic, which is frankly the only understandable alternative explanation for not liking sweets and sparkling wine. For everyone else, Equinox‘s Todd and Ellen Gray are putting on their fourth annual Sugar and Champagne Affair on Wednesday night (Jan. 25) at the Ritz-Carlton at 22nd and M Streets NW.

Benefiting the Washington Humane Society’s Humane Law Enforcement Team (which, admittedly, sounds like a group of post-modern cops who favor time-outs and therapy over Tasers and batons), the Affair nominally has two focuses — sugar and Champagne. On the sugar side, the socially conscious Grays have lined up the pastry chefs at top eateries Vidalia, Galileo, Restaurant Eve, Citronelle, 2941, Marcel’s, and (of course) Equinox to cook up luscious desserts for attendees. And on the Champagne side, they’ve teamed up with a slew of local wine distributors, who will pour the bubbly stuff as well as dessert wines.

And because your $75 entry fee goes to promote the safety and well-being of local animals, it theoretically makes perfect sense that you’re allowed to bring your mutt with you to this swanky shindig. That’s right — for one night, you can be a regular Paris Hilton to your dog’s Tinkerbell (provided that you don’t misplace your pet).