The problem with tongue-in-cheek humor? It pushes your said muscular hydrostat so far off to the side that your ability to spit fire is somewhat limited. To wit: GQ‘s “Welcome to Congress!” feature, which purports to serve as “the Freshman Orientation [new Congressmembers] need to make the most of your time here saying no to the status quo!” — and specifically, the feature’s map to places of note that new Congressmembers should be aware of.
The first thing you’ll notice about our nation’s capital is that it has lots of black people. Don’t be alarmed—they live here! Feel free to engage them, but always remember: Most of them are Democrats
1. K Street: “Grass-Roots Funding Avenue.”
2. Museum of Natural History: “Museum of Evolutionary Theory.”
3. White House: “Kenyan Presidential Palace.”
4. National Mall: There are no food courts here. Or Cinnabons. Yet.
5. State Department: “Comintern.”
6. Union Station: “Socialized Transit Station.”
7. C Street House: The C stands for Christ. And mistresses.
8. The Palm: “The People’s Steak House.” (Recommended: The People’s Prime Bone-In Filet Mignon for $56.)
9. Apex Nightclub: Recommended for late-night fact-finding missions by straight male members who are very, very opposed to the spread of the gay agenda.
10. Massachusetts Avenue: “Street of Countries Waiting to Be Bombed.”
11. Verizon Center: Where white people and black people come together.
Now, some have gotten all up in arms because the list is kind of, well, stupid. Those people have completely valid points. But I’d argue that the list is bad because there are so many better, more obvious targets that the list eschews for things that really aren’t that important. Union Station? The Mall? Verizon Center? Where are the jokes about Marion Barry and the Metro? What about listing some of the neighborhoods where Louie Gohmert is afraid to walk without a pistol?
I mean, don’t hold back GQ — if you’re going to poke fun at D.C., you should poke fun at D.C. After all, it’s not like you’re going to hurt our feelings or anything. We hear this kind of stuff all the time.
