Welcome back to Overheard in D.C., DCist’s weekly column of funny, strange, and poignant things that our readers and staff overhear and send in. We’ve been doing it since 2006, and check out the archives here.

We can’t have Overheard in D.C. without your submissions! Email your Overheards to overheard(at)dcist[dot]com and don’t forget to include who was talking, to whom, and in what context.

Like it or not, D.C. is a scooter town now. Everybody’s using one—even the tourists.

Overheard of the Week

On the sidewalk in Lafayette Park near the White House:

A female tourist in her 30s or 40s is riding a scooter.

Woman to group as the scooter is zipping by: “I can see how being intoxicated on these could be a bad thing.”

——

You can intern with the Russians?

Crossing the street near the Farragut North Metro:

Excited intern on the phone with friend: “It’s going great! I’m basically a paid internet troll!”

——

Nerdy (but better) heckling

At the Congressional Baseball Game, in the Democratic Party section:

House Democratic Caucus Chairman Hakeem Jeffries just missed catching an easy pop fly in left field from Rep. Anthony Gonzalez in the top of the 2nd inning.

Twenty-something staffer: “You’re trying to be Speaker of the House and you can’t even catch a ball!”

——

Spelling is hard

At the Wharf:

30-something to friends: “How do you spell Wharf? W-A-R-F?”

——

Pretty sure this is a brand already

At the Giant on O Street NW:

An elderly couple is shopping in the hot sauce section at the O Street Giant. The man is tired and crotchety.

Him: “Where’s the hot sauce?
Her: “We’re looking at it, it’s all right here!”
Him: “But I want the hot kind.”
Her: “It’s all hot!”
Him: “No, I want the kind that put me in the hospital that time.”
Her: “OK, OK, here it is.”

——

Make sure to calculate using sidewalks

Near Dupont Circle:

20‐something man to another: “I’ve been trying to calculate the perfect scoot distance. You know, too far to walk, too close to Uber.”

——

Romance!

During brunch at The Smith:

Group of mid twenties are discussing the previous night’s shenanigans.

Guy to table: “He spent $400 at the strip club.”
Young woman whispers into her mule: “He could have had me for free.”

——

Racehorses are passé

Just off the Red Line at Takoma on the last day of school:

Rowdy school just got off the train.

One to other: “Man, I gotta piss like a pregnant woman!”

——

That baby is about to be going bonkers

Mom and baby at the juice case in the Hyattsville Safeway:

Baby is babbling enthusiastically.

Mom, mirroring baby’s enthusiasm: “Oh! You think Mommy should get a double shot of espresso? Well, okay then!”

(Spins cart around and beelines to the in-store Starbucks.)

——

Isn’t that just Mensa?

In Columbia Heights on Saturday night:

Three 20-somethings (2 men, 1 woman) are walking down the street.

Guy 1 to group: “I’ve already tried the ‘academics and dating’ thing…”

——

Lol

At Gallery Place on a Friday afternoon:

A group of people are jaywalking. One woman in the group points out two men a block away, also jaywalking.

Woman: “Why are they jaywalking?! They’ll get a ticket!”

(she gestures emphatically to her companions, while continuing to jaywalk)

“A TICKET!!”

——

Those were the days

At a coffee shop in Mt. Pleasant at about noon on a Saturday:

A group of five 20‐something are meeting up.

Woman: “How are you?”
Man: “I’ve been up for 3 hours!”
Everybody responds, surprised: “Oh my God why?”