If it were up to all of you vacillating Libras, we’d still be deciding whether or not it’s Libra season. Of course, you scales are all just trying to come up with the most balanced possible outcome, and the rest of us have no choice but to respect that. Plus, for Libra season, Mother Nature appears to be taking a leaf out of your balanced books by going back and forth between chilly breezes and 95-degree days—how’s that for equilibrium!? As ever, these horoscopes are not aided by any knowledge of astrological goings-on, but still, they’re probably worth taking stock in. Or not … oh my, the Libras have rubbed off on me.

LIBRA (September 22—October 21): Your big plan to add roller coasters to a really complex topic will hit some serious snags. You will not be able to resist the siren song of a peach-themed drink.

SCORPIO (October 22—November 21): This month, your puns about testicles won’t be enough to save you. You will not be able to resist the siren song of a peach-themed drink.

SAGITTARIUS (November 22—December 21): You used to feel like it was very important to be exclusive. In October, though, you’ll start opening up to just about everyone. You will not be able to resist the siren song of a peach-themed drink.

CAPRICORN (December 22—January 21): You will tweet out something that will garner controversy. Then, your apology for said tweet will only lead to more condemnation. The only solution? Never tweet. You will not be able to resist the siren song of a peach-themed drink.

AQUARIUS (January 22—February 21): The only thing spookier than all-year Halloween is the prospect of being trapped in a bar that serves punch in blood bags for tourists. You will find yourself in this very situation. You will not be able to resist the siren song of a peach-themed drink.

PISCES (February 22—March 21): Parts of you are changing—becoming brighter and more alluring than ever. But alas, the beauty is a precursor to their shriveling up forever. You will not be able to resist the siren song of a peach-themed drink.

ARIES (March 22—April 21): If your speaker system is good enough, this is the month you can become a delightful fixture in your neighborhood. Just make sure your soundtrack is worthy of the decibels. You will not be able to resist the siren song of a peach-themed drink.

TAURUS (April 22—May 21): You will learn exactly how far you will go for a chicken sandwich this October. You will not be able to resist the siren song of a peach-themed drink.

GEMINI (May 22—June 21): This month will leave you feeling like a derelict home of historic importance, hoping for a fertilizer heiress to save you from disrepair. You will not be able to resist the siren song of a peach-themed drink.

CANCER (June 22—July 21): It turns out, a bunch of adults love children’s books just as much as you. You better pray the trademark police leave you alone as you celebrate this connection. You will not be able to resist the siren song of a peach-themed drink.

LEO (July 22—August 21): You may decide it’s a good month to spend an exorbitant amount of money on a home renovation. Beware: Everyone in town will want to come over to see it, and you’re responsible for keeping them all entertained and fed. You will not be able to resist the siren song of a peach-themed drink.

VIRGO (August 22—September 21): You’ll find out that a lot of people care more about the Founding Fathers than they do about you. You will not be able to resist the siren song of a peach-themed drink.