According to a quick Google search, Aquarius season is extremely laid back and not the time to be a striver (hence my Google search rather than deep database diving—this isn’t Capricorn season, folks!). That energy is already showing: Look no further than the very delayed results from the Iowa Democratic caucus. So relaxed and easy breezy, taking their sweet time! But alas, the stars are fickle and turns out, chilling out doesn’t mean all is chill (again, please see: lack of results from the Iowa Democratic caucus). So clear your schedules, take out your favorite lounging pillow, and get ready for another shitty month.

AQUARIUS (January 22—February 21): When you find that something is not to your liking this month, you will suggest giving it away, but be careful—you haven’t fully considered what you’ll lose when you let it go. You can be down, but you’re never out in the world of D.C. politics.

PISCES (February 22—March 21): There are so many seating choices and yet, every time you choose one this month, you’ll wish you were standing instead. You can be down, but you’re never out in the world of D.C. politics.

ARIES (March 22—April 21): Maybe if you twirl around with excellent hand-eye coordination and impressive athleticism, you will finally lure your friends to hang out where you want to go, instead of their favorite spots. You can be down, but you’re never out in the world of D.C. politics.

TAURUS (April 22—May 21): You will become so obsessed with your online life that you will miss IRL opportunities, leading to a real lack of spice. You can be down, but you’re never out in the world of D.C. politics.

GEMINI (May 22—June 21): When you’re not feeling ready to mate, you have a tendency to seem intimidating to potential partners. But this month, you’ll indicate your interest by licking someone’s face. You can be down, but you’re never out in the world of D.C. politics.

CANCER (June 22—July 21): You’re deeply understood and often wrongly accused of sucking blood, but a group of Girl Scouts are trying to clear your name. It remains unclear if they will succeed. You can be down, but you’re never out in the world of D.C. politics.

LEO (July 22—August 21): You will ultimately regret your impulse purchase of a vintage 1975 Volkswagen missing an engine on an auction site. You can be down, but you’re never out in the world of D.C. politics.

VIRGO (August 22—September 21): If you expect a lot of fanfare when you walk into a local bookstore and you’re not a beloved athlete, you are going to be very disappointed. You can be down, but you’re never out in the world of D.C. politics.

LIBRA (September 22—October 21): You’re putting in the time and you have the stats to back it up, but you’ll still be snubbed this month. You can be down, but you’re never out in the world of D.C. politics.

SCORPIO (October 22—November 21): You know that phrase, “If you love something, let it go?” Well, you’re not going to have a choice—something you love is just gonna go. You can be down, but you’re never out in the world of D.C. politics.

SAGITTARIUS (November 22—December 21): An old foe will reach out to you with some … well-founded praise? You get to decide how to handle it, but you will be judged if you lack grace. You can be down, but you’re never out in the world of D.C. politics.

CAPRICORN (December 22—January 21): Be careful about what it means to truly achieve your dreams—they’re not very aesthetically pleasing. You can be down, but you’re never out in the world of D.C. politics.