If March dragged on for approximately seven decades, then April came and went faster than the life cycle of a house fly. And now here we are, already in Taurus season. Last month, we decided to break with tradition and use these horoscopes to offer some positivity for the month ahead. I was hoping that, by May, I could get back to doling out the kind of dour futures you’ve come to expect from this glass-half-empty zodiac column. Alas, considering that now the rest of my month revolves around providing our loyal readers with oft-bleak news, we’re going to keep giving you a little slice of zeal. And the time of the Taurus is a good time to do that, considering the ole’ Bull, ruled by sexy Venus, is all about kicking back and savoring whatever good there is to soak up. 

TAURUS (April 22—May 21): Instead of fearing your confounding dreams, this is the month when you face them. They have something to tell you. It’s a rat-eat-rat world out there, but May will be a time for you to find something else to quell your hunger

GEMINI (May 22—June 21): While advice you give may not go quite according to plan, you’re not going to let it faze you. It’s a rat-eat-rat world out there, but May will be a time for you to find something else to quell your hunger.

CANCER (June 22—July 21): A potentially ill-advised text you send this month will offer you a surprisingly amount of closure. It’s a rat-eat-rat world out there, but May will be a time for you to find something else to quell your hunger.

LEO (July 22—August 21): You will find ways to cash in on some of your most random qualities this month. It’s a rat-eat-rat world out there, but May will be a time for you to find something else to quell your hunger.

VIRGO (August 22—September 21): You’re the mysterious boom that all your neighbors are talking about. It’s a rat-eat-rat world out there, but May will be a time for you to find something else to quell your hunger.

LIBRA (September 22—October 21): Even if it doesn’t happen during the timetable you would have hoped for, rest assured that your aspirations for pet ownership will pan out. It’s a rat-eat-rat world out there, but May will be a time for you to find something else to quell your hunger.

SCORPIO (October 22—November 21): You will end up in a Wiki-worm hole and learn a lot of information about seemingly arcane topics like cheetah parenting behaviors, only to find a real-world application for those factoids. It’s a rat-eat-rat world out there, but May will be a time for you to find something else to quell your hunger.

SAGITTARIUS (November 22—December 21): When you look out the window with purpose instead of staring off into space, you’ll spot some real treasures. It’s a rat-eat-rat world out there, but May will be a time for you to find something else to quell your hunger.

CAPRICORN (December 22—January 21): Your plants have something really lovely to tell you this month, so long as you remember to check in on them. It’s a rat-eat-rat world out there, but May will be a time for you to find something else to quell your hunger.

AQUARIUS (January 22—February 21): When you spend some time with your deep sense of emptiness, you will discover a new, greener self.  It’s a rat-eat-rat world out there, but May will be a time for you to find something else to quell your hunger.

PISCES (February 22—March 21):You will find love on Zoom this month. It’s a rat-eat-rat world out there, but May will be a time for you to find something else to quell your hunger.

ARIES (March 22—April 21): This month you will take all of the safety precautions of this social distancing period and make them fashion. It’s a rat-eat-rat world out there, but May will be a time for you to find something else to quell your hunger.