Welcome back to Overheard in D.C., DCist’s weekly column of funny, strange, and poignant things that our readers and staff overhear and send in. We’ve been doing it since 2006. Check out the archives here.

We can’t have Overheard in D.C. without your submissions! Email your Overheards to overheard(at)dcist[dot]com and don’t forget to include who was talking, to whom, and in what context. 

We are now also taking submissions for eavesdropping on video conferencing calls and all of the other newfangled ways we’re staying in touch. 

Overheard of the Week: 

Someone after the Rage Against the Machine show at Capital One Arena: 

“Man, those mushrooms were on point all night! It was like I was watching Liza Minnelli on stage.”

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Sir you are the machine in question

Also overheard at the Rage Against the Machine concert, as the crowd jeers at a picture of a Customs and Border Patrol officer on screen:

Man 1: “Oops, I’ll be working for them soon.”
Man 2: “Dude, this is DC. All of us here work for the government.”
Man 1: “No, I mean, literally CBP.”

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Media scholars will study this interaction for years 

Three 20-something bros walking in Adams Morgan on a Sunday morning, dressed to work out or play sports:

Bro 1: “So you’re shitting on me, Jacob, for reading the news?”
Bro 2: “I just don’t want to get down by reading all that terrible stuff. I mean, that article was probably on Daily Mail.”
Bro 1: “Lots of stuff is on the Daily Mail! You can’t live under a rock.”

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Hope she’s okay?

A woman on the phone, walking down F Street in Northeast: 

“I was bleeding like a pig at Christmas.”

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Hm I don’t think that’s how it works

At the Otakon anime convention, a man in his mid 20s is ogling a woman who is dressed like a sexy anime character:

“I’m staring at you, but in a good way.”

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That’s showbiz, baby

At a Metro Center platform, a woman with a Hill intern badge is pacing around while on the phone, telling the person on the line about her work: 

“I’m compiling all the news about Senator X and State X every day, and it takes me hours. Hours and hours! And every day he says ‘I need it faster!’ It’s so unfair!”

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God gives his toughest battles…

20-something woman on Mount Pleasant Street: 

“I’m trying to break my Docs in before Charli XCX this weekend.”

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Yeah, these situations are always tough

Small group of 30-something men are walking near Dupont Circle: One says in a “cheer up, comrades” tone:

“We had no way of knowing what vampire magic would have done. We did our best!”

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When you’re done, you’re done

Girl, age 10, clearly dragging in the humidity on U.S. Capitol grounds:

Girl: “UGH, MY FEET HURT.”
Dad: “Well, it’s our last day.”
Girl: “Then I’m going to SIT.”

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Context? No thanks, actually

Two security guards are talking in a federal office building hallway. 

Man 1: “They have a human version… but it’s not as good as the dog version.”
Man 2: “Right right right, of course.”
Man 1: “So that’s why I use the dog version.”

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As always, we rely on you to overhear the good stuff and send it our way. Make sure to tell us who was speaking to whom and in what context.