Welcome back to Overheard in D.C., DCist’s weekly column of funny, strange, and poignant things that our readers and staff overhear and send in. We’ve been doing it since 2006. Check out the archives here.

We can’t have Overheard in D.C. without your submissions! Email your Overheards to overheard(at)dcist[dot]com and don’t forget to include who was talking, to whom, and in what context.

We are now also taking submissions for eavesdropping on video conferencing calls and all of the other newfangled ways we’re staying in touch. 

Overheard of the Week: 

A man is pacing the Braddock Road metro platform while conducting what sounds like a government business call: 

Man to person on the phone: “Is there something specifically insane you’re concerned about or just insanity in general?”

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Vision Zero Presents: Bumpity Bumpities

A young girl and dad are riding bikes through Old Town, presumably on the way to school: 

Girl: “Dad, why are there so many bumpity bumpities on the road?”

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I was sitting right there???? (literally, I overheard this)

Overheard in Malcolm X park on a beautiful weekday evening. A group of 20-somethings is eating snacks and drinking. 

One of them, looking around the park: “You know, for how nice it is, I’d expect to see hotter people here.”

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Obligatory “tourist makes mistake” overheard, thanks 

Tourists heading down First Street, NE, from the Capitol toward Union Station:

Woman: “That’s the train station where we’re supposed to get our bus, isn’t it?”
Man: “Yes, that’s Grand Central.”

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And she asks for the Speaker Special

At the Nationals game on a Sunday afternoon, two men in their 60’s are talking:

Man 1: “My sister goes to the same hairdresser as Nancy Pelosi.”
Man 2: “Woah!”

—

Happy Good Friday! 

A 30-something passenger and a 60-something Lyft driver on their way to D.C.:

Driver: “Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.”
Passenger: “Is he listening to porn?”
Driver: “Thank you, Jesus.  Thank you, god. Gimme the praise, Jesus.”
Passenger: “Oh, it’s religion?  Oh…I’m gonna die.”

—

Maybe throw in a juice box too 

Two young women in their twenties catching up at a restaurant outside in Old Town, Alexandria. Women 1 is discussing her upcoming nuptials:

Woman 2: “Oh no! Your mom will be so sad after your wedding and you leave for your honeymoon.”
Woman 1: “Yeah.”
Woman 2: “You should get her a coloring book or something.”

—

But is L’Enfant or Ellicott to blame

Two 30-somethings from DC walking around Cameron Station in Alexandria. 

1: “Man, these streets go in a lotta straight lines.  I guess that’s what you get in a planned community.”
2: “But D.C. was planned!”
1: “D.C. was planned the way my life was planned: poorly, and by an idiot.”

—

That’s a crazy suggestion 

A group of teenagers heading north on an Amtrak NE Regional, late Friday afternoon:

Girl, to the group: “Guys, let’s all stop being on our phones and just, like, enjoy each other’s company.”
(They all start laughing)