Welcome back to Overheard in D.C., DCist’s weekly column of funny, strange, and poignant things that our readers and staff overhear and send in. We’ve been doing it since 2006. Check out the archives here.

We can’t have Overheard in D.C. without your submissions! Email your Overheards to overheard(at)dcist[dot]com and don’t forget to include who was talking, to whom, and in what context.

We are now also taking submissions for eavesdropping on video conferencing calls and all of the other newfangled ways we’re staying in touch. 

Overheard of the Week: 

A 40-ish woman walking with her husband and kids Saturday in Dupont Circle:

“It’s not like Seattle, the Metro here is wide and glacial and abundant…”

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Me trying to write anything

Woman commuting home on the Metro at Farragut West, talking on her phone: 

“He’s very articulate, it’s just translating his weird brainspace into words that takes a bit.”

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That’s how they get you

Overheard in the Glover Park Trader Joe’s on Monday evening: Someone in her 20s was looking at some “Cherry Blossom” branded alcohol in bright pink bottles decorated with bold graphics and drawings of cherry blossoms:

“I wish that tasted as good as they make it look.”

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Godspeed

On an S bus on the 16th Street corridor, three late 20-something women chatting about guys and their list of criteria in a partner:

Woman to her two friends: “I need a guy who’s very stable and working on himself and calm.”

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The classic bait and *whiff*

At 7 p.m. on 18th Street in Adams Morgan, one man in a suit tells his formally dressed colleagues in a disappointed tone: 

“I thought he was giving me a bump of cocaine, but he just put cologne on my wrist.”

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Friendship!

In the bathroom by Shake Shack at Nationals Park, two college-age women in front of the mirror:

Woman 1, wearing shorts: “Is my butt hanging out?”
Woman 2: “Yes, it’s always hanging out.”
1: “I don’t mean to, I swear.”
2: “I mean, no one’s complaining.”

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Words that definitely mean something to me 

Woman on phone at the corner for Florida and 18th NW on a sunny Tuesday after work:

“It’s some kind of ESG/data/finance thing, but policy.”

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So true

20-something guy to 20-something woman in Dupont:

“I mean, it’s not a mitzvah to kvetch.”

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‘Ever’ seems a bit doomist 

Group of guys walking down 17th St. One guy is eating a sandwich as they walk:

Guy 1: “Is that egg salad?”
Guy 2: “Yeah, it is.”
Guy 3: “You got egg salad?”
G2: “Yeah, egg salad.”
G3: “Man, I know you’re not gonna be bottoming tonight. You’re not gonna be bottoming EVER.”

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Heartbreaking </3 

Late 20-30 something guy talking to a friend walking on Calvert St NW in Adams Morgan:

“The thing is, she’s a micro-manager and I’m lazy, so it’s not really working out.”

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As always, we rely on you to overhear the good stuff and send it our way. Make sure to tell us who was speaking to whom and in what context.