Welcome back to Overheard in D.C., DCist’s weekly column of funny, strange, and poignant things that our readers and staff overhear and send in. We’ve been doing it since 2006. Check out the archives here.

We can’t have Overheard in D.C. without your submissions! Email your Overheards to overheard(at)dcist[dot]com and don’t forget to include who was talking, to whom, and in what context.

We are now also taking submissions for eavesdropping on video conferencing calls and all of the other newfangled ways we’re staying in touch. 

Overheard of the Week: 

Group of 20-somethings playing volleyball in the grassy circle next to the children’s playground in Walter Pierce Park Saturday evening

Woman belts out: “If you sucked on my nipples right now all you’d taste is salt.”

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Sorry for the image this may have conjured

A couple in their mid-20s on the way to work having a debate about how people kiss:

Man: “I go to the right, same way I eat my tacos.”

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Ooookay someone saw Barbie! He knows women can read : )  

An early-20s man, talking to a disinterested-looking woman his age, wrapping up a somewhat coherent soliloquy about how the escalator is an example of “extracted labor”:

“I don’t know that you agree with me, and if you don’t, you need to read more.”

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Job is flower

A couple standing in awe at the pink blooms at the Lotus and Water Lily Festival:

Woman to man: “What we need now is Lotus Barbie.”

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They’re so crazzzzyyy love them 

Four graduate students wait for a light to cross Connecticut Avenue: 

Gal 1: “Let me introduce my friend, Gal 2.”
Guy 1: “Nice to meet you! Where do you work?”
Gal 2: “I work for a nonprofit combating child labor.”
Guy 1 *with a smug look, gestures to Guy 2*: “Well you know this guy is actually pro-child labor.”
Guy 2 *with a heavy layer of sarcasm*: “Yeah, it is kind of weird meeting someone from the other side face-to-face.”
Gal 1: “Stop you guys! Y’all are the worst, we are going to be on the next Overheard in DC.”

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Once you’ve had your hot dog and beer what’s there to hang around for really 

At Friday night’s Nats/Giants game, four women in their early 20s sit down in a row: 

One of them, wearing a Giants hat, immediately after they sit down: “Guys, I’m bored, this is stupid.”
(They left early.)

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And that’s how you set a boundary 

During the morning rush hour at the Farragut North, a crowd rounds the corner to the escalators which are under construction. 

Middle-aged businesswoman who sees the crowd walking up the escalator: “Oh hell nah, not again!”
*proceeds to turn around.*

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I mean isn’t that like, part of the whole thing

On the T18 bus en route to the Rhode Island Avenue metro station on a Wednesday afternoon, a woman is talking loudly on her cell phone:

Woman to someone on the other end of the phone: “All I needed to know is if you have to pay taxes on embezzled money.”

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Really makes you think

Couple in their 30s, exiting the Mt. Vernon Metro stop:

Person 1: “I can’t believe we’re moving in a week!”
Person 2: “What am I going to complain about without Metro?”

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Non-zero chance we’re not talking about a baby here 

Man on cell phone at 18th and Columbia, lecturing:

“He’s your cousin! He’s your mother’s sister’s son! You have to do right by him.”
Brief pause.
“Yes, of course he will shit on you.”

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The math isn’t mathing

On the Northeast Regional Amtrak from Union Station to New York, three 20-somethings conversing: 

Man, to his two girl friends: “All of the senior attorneys at my firm have beach houses. One of them comes in for mandatory in-office days on Tuesday and Wednesday and then goes back to her beach house. She works from her beach house, like, six days a week. It’s so cool!” 

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Here, the math is certainly mathing 

Overheard at the Rhode Island Avenue Metro. A frustrated man walked over from the pay station to the transit worker in the booth:

Rider: “I had $2 on my card and added $5 and now it’s saying $7. I only wanted $5.”
The transit worker, summoning his last remaining patience:  “TWO…AND…FIVE…MAKE…SEVEN”

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Maybe if you … kiss a prince? 

Kenilworth Aquatic Gardens during the Lotus and Water Lily Festival. Three 20-somethings stopped at the edge of a lotus pool:

Woman to her friends: “I just wanna hop from lily pad to lily pad… y’all, I want to be a frog so bad right now…”

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Fabio is always showing feet

Overheard in the zoo’s new birdhouse: 

An adult man pointed to a duck and excitedly and earnestly exclaims: “Look, that bird has … water paws?!”

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As always, we rely on you to overhear the good stuff and send it our way. Make sure to tell us who was speaking to whom and in what context.