Welcome back to Overheard in D.C., DCist’s weekly column of funny, strange, and poignant things that our readers and staff overhear and send in. We’ve been doing it since 2006. Check out the archives here.

We can’t have Overheard in D.C. without your submissions! Email your Overheards to overheard(at)dcist[dot]com and don’t forget to include who was talking, to whom, and in what context.

We are now also taking submissions for eavesdropping on video conferencing calls and all of the other newfangled ways we’re staying in touch. 

Overheard of the Week: 

Overheard in line for Chick-fil-a at DCA Terminal 2:

A 35-year-old man on the phone, a bit distressed: “Everyone knew Phyllis had diabetes. Everyone knew… it took me TWO WEEKS to find out my own cat had diabetes.”

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You just knowwww they pay for LinkedIn premium 

At a random rooftop pool in Pentagon City:

“You know, I’ve just become really proud of how I can connect with a variety of different stakeholders.”

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May I ever know peace…(I overheard this one)

Overheard at the Line Hotel on a weekday morning. A man and woman in their 20s are sharing a table, working remotely. 

Man: “Next time we do this, we should probably try Tatte.”

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We may never know

Overheard at American Taproom at DCA. A woman gets a spinach salad, takes a bite: 

“I don’t know why my dumb ass got a salad at the airport.”

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Right…for the class 

A group of 20-30-year-olds at Banneker Pool, giving updates on their dating lives. They’d just finished discussing how it feels when a friend tries to set you up with an “uggo.” 

Woman: “Speaking of subs, I bought a tactical whip for my self-defense class.”

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A reminder that keeping some things in your head is always an option, perhaps even the best option 

A twenty-something woman at the National Book Festival talking to her friends about Clarence Thomas and his controversial travel:

“Have we ever considered that Clarence Thomas might be a really fun hang and that’s why he’s going on all these luxury vacations? It’s hard to be corrupt and boring.”

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Yes 🙁 That is what they are for 🙁 

At Annie’s Ace Hardware in Brookland on a Saturday afternoon, a 4-year-old girl is helping her dad go shopping. She gets excited as they go through the mouse trap aisle:

“Oh, Dada! They have things here for if you have a pet mouse!”

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Tough read, thanks 

Two high school boys talking at a Northern Virginia gym.

One of them: “When they’re older they take advantage of you. He was middle-aged…like 30.”

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Yeah yeah whatever, the dolphins are more interesting! 

On a flight landing at DCA. As the plane descends along the National Mall, a mother points out the Washington Monument to her son, who is about five years old.

Child, pointing to the Reflecting Pool: “Are there sharks?”
Mom: “No.”
She pauses.
Mom: “Actually, there are many sharks in Washington.”

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As always, we rely on you to overhear the good stuff and send it our way. Make sure to tell us who was speaking to whom and in what context.