Welcome back to Overheard in D.C., DCist’s weekly column of funny, strange, and poignant things that our readers and staff overhear and send in. We’ve been doing it since 2006. Check out the archives here.

We can’t have Overheard in D.C. without your submissions! Email your Overheards to overheard(at)dcist[dot]com and don’t forget to include who was talking, to whom, and in what context.

We are now also taking submissions for eavesdropping on video conferencing calls and all of the other newfangled ways we’re staying in touch.

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Overheard of the Week: 

A friend is giving a pep talk to another about job hunting:

Pep talk friend: “You have to go into interview season with the unearned confidence of a Deloitte bro at a DC happy hour. I did, and got offers for all the jobs I interviewed.”

Friend: “You mean jobs you interviewed for?”

Pep talk friend: “No, I interviewed the jobs. Deloitte bro confidence… It’s a game changer.”

Friend: “Ooo, I love this for 2024.”

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There is a high barrier to entry, TBH.

Two young women:

Woman 1: “I wish I lived in DC!”

Woman 2: “Me too! But what about the $1,000 cover?”

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Wait til he learns about ska music.

Before the movie The Boys in the Boat at AMC Courthouse, a trailer plays for the upcoming biopic Bob Marley: One Love:

A very old man in the audience, mistakenly thinking Marley is a modern act, audibly says to the woman next to him: “Bob Marley?! Wow, I don’t know anybody in music anymore.”

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Sorry babe but this new iPhone camera is dope!

A group of friends went to go see the fireworks in Old Town on New Year’s Eve. A nearby couple was standing in front of them when suddenly the man, who had his phone out, got down on one knee:

Friend 1: “Oh my gosh, he’s proposing!”

Friend 2: “I think he’s actually just trying to get a better angle for the fireworks.”

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Go big or go home on that New Year’s resolution

Two 60ish-year-old women near Washington Circle after having just dodged cars on New Year’s Day:

Woman 1: “This damn intersection needs to be fixed. I’m leaving and moving back to NYC. I’m done.”

Woman 2: “Because of traffic?”

Woman 1: “You can’t find anything here. I couldn’t find a German advent calendar.”

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But he already booked the trip to Turkey!

A father and his 10-ish year-old daughter talking to him in line at U.S. Customs at Dulles Airport:

Daughter: “I know you want to keep your hair, but it’s okay if some strands fall out! I think you should just go ahead and shave it all off!”

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Well you did name him Mr. Johnson

The owner of three Dachshunds scolds the one who is aggressively barking at all other dogs entering the park:

Owner: “I know it’s in your name as a WEINER dog, but don’t be a DICK!”

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I’m not gonna lie, she ate that!

A docent at the National Gallery of Art, in a beret, leading a French art tour, says to her tour group enthusiastically:

Docent: “I’m 73 and giving it my all!”

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#securityclearanceproblems maybe? 

At 9 a.m. on a weekday, a 30-something-year-old guy is walking from Farragut Square towards government offices, screaming into his phone:

Guy: “Well, was it the credit or sex?”

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Imagine what Jefferson’s FYP would’ve looked like

Two 20 something year-old American women examining the Jefferson Library Collection:

Woman 1: “Do you think he actually read all of these?”

Woman 2: “Think about it…all of the articles you’ve read on the internet, the reels you’ve watched on Instagram, and the TikToks you’ve seen…if he wanted to know any of that information he was forced to find it and read it in an actual book!”

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One person’s trash yadda yadda … 

Three 30-somethings are picking up trash with a toddler on 11th Street NW:

Man to one of the other adults: “Thank you for contributing to joy by walking with us today.”

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Uh-huh, suuuuurrreeee.

Two guys walking into 14th Street Busboys & Poets. One guy says:

“He’s so irrelevant to me I’ve forgotten about him completely.”

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It’s actually better for the environment!

Over the intercom at National Airport:

“This is the TSA. Whoever left the giant mason jar of pills behind, please come back to claim them.”

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These are my emotional support leggings 

On a Friday night, two 20-something women walking down King Street in Alexandria:

Woman 1: “Why are you making such a big deal about it?”

Woman 2: “You don’t understand — I live in leggings! For someone who lives in leggings, going to something that requires NOT LEGGINGS is a big deal!!”

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Aw! Now that’s wholesome!

A father and a maybe 5- or 6-year-old daughter are looking at a house on the block that went all in on the Christmas decorating:

Dad: “Hey, let’s get our picture taken. Dad’s never in the picture.”

Daughter: “Which one should we get it taken in front of?”

Dad: “Let’s see, we got a turtle here, an elf, a crab… the dumbest idea ever, a Christmas unicorn.”

Daughter: “The unicorn! The unicorn!”

Dad: “Yeah, the unicorn’s the cutest!”

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I don’t get it either but this made me laugh

At a holiday party with a group of friends:

Person 1: “Hey. Did you call my card, ‘The Hamburglar’?”

Person 2: “She did. It’s just that no one thought it was funny.”

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Guess they can’t share clothes … 

In front of Frager’s on Capitol Hill, woman walking while talking on the phone:

“With my big-titty ass, I’m bigger than you on top.”

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As always, we rely on you to overhear the good stuff and send it our way. Make sure to tell us who was speaking to whom and in what context.