Twas the week before Christmas, and all through the city, not a lot of authors are stirring. Give them a break! They have family and friends to see at this time of year, too!

But if you have a mind to celebrate letters on the local level, head on out to the Warehouse tonight for a special Christmas edition of the F.W. Thomas Performances. Tonight’s edition features comic collagist Clarke Bedford, writer Molly Woods, songwriter Alina Simone, and enfant terrible Mike Lowery. Words, song and merriment are yours for a mere three dollars. It’s really one of the city’s best entertainments, so stop denying yourself! 1017-1021 7th Street, NW. Take Green/Yellow to Mount Vernon Square, Red to Gallery Place Station.

Elsewhere:

Straight outta Oprah’s 2006 BFF Brigade comes the polarizing Food Network hostess Rachael Ray, pimping 2, 4, 6, 8: Great Meals for Couples of Crowds. Maybe she’ll bring enough rarebit for the whole family! Find out for certain tonight at 6pm at Borders, 8027 Leesburg Pike, Suite 100, Vienna.

Wednesday at the very same Border’s, join Janet Pelasara as she discusses her book, Love You More: The Taylor Behl Story. No disrespect, though: it’s probably the least festive thing you can do five days before Christmas.

Meanwhile, also on Wednesday, you can join author James Riding In and moderator Suzan Shown Harjo at the National Museum of the American Indian’s Rasmuson Theater for another edition of the Native Writers Series. 4th and Independence SW, at 6:30 p.m.