Welcome back to Overheard in D.C., DCist’s weekly column of funny, strange, and poignant things that our readers and staff overhear and send in. We’ve been doing it since 2006. Check out the archives here.

We can’t have Overheard in D.C. without your submissions! Email your Overheards to overheard(at)dcist[dot]com and don’t forget to include who was talking, to whom, and in what context.

We are now also taking submissions for eavesdropping on video conferencing calls and all of the other newfangled ways we’re staying in touch. 

Overheard of the Week: 

Two boys, 5 years old or so, riding the Metro with their mom. The train stops at Crystal City after having just passed Reagan National Airport.

One boy says to the other, “Oh my word, we’re underground! Why is there a train station underground? I seriously wish I had brought my snacks with me.”

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It was like watching Twitter discourse in real life (I overheard this)

Overheard at the intersection of 15th and Harvard streets NW. The light is red. A driver is trying to turn despite the red light, repeatedly honking at the car in front of it, which is stopped … because it is a red light. After the third extended honk, a pedestrian waiting at the light walks up to the honking driver:

Pedestrian: “THAT’S A BIKE LANE, NOT A TURNING LANE, IGNORANT BITCH!”
(A heated exchange ensues, as the light changes and the pedestrian tries to cross the street and the heated driver tries to turn.)

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And we’re proud of them for it!

6:45 a.m. on Saturday, when downtown was shut down for a marathon. A big group of frustrated people is gathered around a bus stop trying to understand from a Metro employee what lines are running and how to get where they’re going.

Person: “How long is this going to be going on?”
Metro employee: “Til the last joker gets to the finish line.”

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A parent’s worst nightmare? 

Overheard at the Tenleytown/AU Metro stop

Woman on the phone: “There’s no school tomorrow? Why the fuck don’t we have school?”

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Schrödinger’s flask

Three women at dinner in a nice D.C. restaurant when one woman pulls out a flask from her purse to add vodka to their weak but expensive cocktails: 

Woman 1: “I bought a flask for exactly this problem. But like, who does that? Who owns a flask anymore? Does having a flask make me an alcoholic?”
Woman 2: “Not if nobody sees it.”
Woman 3: “Yes.”

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I heard the view of the sunrise is beautiful from the Sigma Chi house

One likely GW student talking to two others, walking past the Foggy Bottom Trader Joe’s on Sunday March 19th:

“She never dies. It will be like five in the morning, and she’s ‘like let’s go to this frat house.'”

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We all have our vices 

At Trader Joe’s Glover Park. Customer pushes his cart to the cashier:

Employee: “No judgement man, I too have a sparkling water problem.”

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Happy Women’s History Month 

Two women in a gallery at Glenstone Museum nearly colliding with each other:

Woman number one nanosecond before woman number two: “I’m sorry”
Woman number two: “I’m sorry”
Woman number one more emphatically: “No, I’m sorry. (Pause.) How about if we count to three and both say I’m sorry at the same time?”

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Don’t tempt a D.C. driver…

At the intersection by City Tap House with 5 seconds left to cross: 

Woman (to friends): “Don’t worry, I work out! I can make this!”

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It’s everrrrry week with these men

Sunday at the Mall, across Constitution Ave from the Ellipse:

An overconfident and slightly annoyed man in his 40s with wife: “I don’t know why they’re going that way [points towards Lincoln memorial], but that’s where we’re going [redirects pointing to Jefferson memorial]. The one with the dome, that’s the Lincoln memorial!”

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Ok we’re ready

Two men walking on Pennsylvania Avenue SE:

One to the other: “So we’re going to arrest your boss … on Tuesday.”

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As always, we rely on you to overhear the good stuff and send it our way. Make sure to tell us who was speaking to whom and in what context.