Welcome back to Overheard in D.C., DCist’s weekly column of funny, strange, and poignant things that our readers and staff overhear and send in. We’ve been doing it since 2006. Check out the archives here.

We can’t have Overheard in D.C. without your submissions! Email your Overheards to overheard(at)dcist[dot]com and don’t forget to include who was talking, to whom, and in what context.

We are now also taking submissions for eavesdropping on video conferencing calls and all of the other newfangled ways we’re staying in touch.

Overheard of the Week: 

In Annapolis at the Naval Academy stadium during the Navy- Air Force football game. A woman in her 50s, wearing a sweater that says “Champagne Please” walking to her seat in the stands holding two Miller Lites: 

Randomly says out loud: “Two hands, two beers. That’s the way I roll.”

—

Oh no … no …

An out-of-town couple walking through Rose Park in Georgetown after dark: 

Man: “The benches here have a center armrest.”
Woman: “Huh, that’s neat.”
Man (with 100% seriousness): “D.C. must really care about people!”

—

Ghost bus behavior

Overheard at a D.C. bus stop, a passenger talking with one of the Metro bus drivers after another bus at a different stop never came:

Passenger: “I don’t know if it’s cuz it’s close to Halloween or what, but I been waiting on the N6 for like the past 20 minutes even though both the app and the bus stop display kept saying it was 7 minutes away. And then on top of that, it started counting up instead of down!”
Bus driver, with puzzled look on his face: “And it never came?!
Passenger: “No!”
Bus driver: “Man that sounds like some Twilight Zone type shit right there.”

—

Sounds like quitting time  

40s-ish man on the phone on at DCA: 

“At this point, I’m almost *hoping* my laptop gets stolen!”

—

Peaked at 12? 

In a bookstore at Dupont Circle, one 20-something woman to another:

“That was several years ago, back when I was still interesting.”

—

And just “blocks away” from the White House

“Vegan leather bike saddle” 

Two mid-thirties business-casual men locking up bikes outside Primrose in Northeast DC talking to each other on their way to happy hour.

Man 1: “Check out my new bike saddle. It’s vegan leather!”
Man 2: “Vegan leather? Isn’t that just rubber?”

—

This is the guy from high school who posts weird crypto scams on his Instagram story 

At Falafel Inc. in Western Market, a 20-something white guy to two friends:

“Like, girls don’t know what to do with money. They make it to spend it.”

—

^ He definitely sent this in

A 30-something woman talking on the phone in Dupont with a sound of optimism and despair in her voice.

“I really want to be financially literate.”

—

Well, likely place for them to be

GW college student talking on the phone while standing in line to order lunch:

“I have *work* to do, Dad. If you want me to get an education, why don’t you just pay for it? It’s not that hard.”

—

Bikes ARE cool

At the D.C. Bike Party, 25-year-old guys in khakis and sports jackets smoking cigarettes watching a hoard of bicyclists emerge out of the streets with no end in sight. As they look on, one says, almost in disbelief:

“This is the coolest shit I’ve ever seen.”

—

Bike neon = also cool

At he intersection of Leland and Wisconsin Avenue in Bethesda on a very early fall morning. A male bike commuter in high-visibility gear is waiting for the light to change and a female pedestrian is crossing the street in front of him:

Woman: I like your bright colors.
Man: Thanks!
Woman: I’m a doctor. You’re really reducing your chances of being an unexpected organ donor.
Man: [Speechless]

—

As opposed to … light and calm? Snooze! 

A group of three girls at a 9:30 Club concert where the musician’s look did not fit the aesthetic they were expecting:

One turns and says to the others: “Why is he so dark and stormy?”

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As always, we rely on you to overhear the good stuff and send it our way. Make sure to tell us who was speaking to whom and in what context.